I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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