We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
