Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
