this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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