Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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