the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
