Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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