I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
