I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
