Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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