He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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