She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize