I wish my penis had an off switch
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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