So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
