You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
