K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
