Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
