I could have mohawked her pubes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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