I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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