He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
