Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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