The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
