you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
