Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
