the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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