sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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