Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
