I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
