so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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