some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
