it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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