Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
