I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
