alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
