dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
