Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
