So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
