im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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