I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
