the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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