And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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