i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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