soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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