Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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