Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
