Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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