I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize