No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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