No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
