you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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