Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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