i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
