True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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