We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
