I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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