the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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