I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize