Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
not ubering you a puppy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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