i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
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