You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize