i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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