I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
