We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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