1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He did a backflip because drugs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
