i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
