This is not my ceiling
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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