Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
