I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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