And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
