Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
