Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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