Christians are straight up FREAKS
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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