What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
