oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
