I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
