oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
